DRD Team

Great start, I rather enjoyed that. As for where to go, best advice I can seem to give is stuff goes on in the wagon trail like one would expect then they arrive at a random town somewhere. Which is probably what you are thinking anyways. Hopefully, like Xaser said, if some inspiration does strike keep up the good work. *waits for more from you*

Haha, just read through the whole thing. That actually is a pretty nice start you've got there... and yeah, I'm no writer so I wouldn't have a bloody clue where to go, really, but... in case some type of inspiration does strike, keep up the good work and the like. :P

Even still, it's rather good. It caputred my intrest (though that isn't too hard) and left me wondering how things were going to play out next. I do like the whole "Transfer" bit, too.

I'd suggest trying to finish it... It would make for a really nice short story once complete.

I came up with this a few years ago, likely before Jallamann ever showed up =P

Hmm, interesting. I like the way it's playing out. Looking forward to the rest!

[quote="wildweasel"][b]Jalla[/b]nton.[/quote]

Coincidence...? :P

Considering I'm still in search for a story line for the demo version of the RPG engine, if you could figure out a way to elaborate on this, it could be applied to a wad. I don't quite know what you could do, but eh, I'm pretty sure you could figure something out. I like the way you went about the detail, as it seems pretty good. Wasn't able to read it all, you're right it is really long. :P Anyway, it looks good and seems like it could be applicable to something like an RPG or something.

[quote="BioHazard"]Alrighty, I'm about 8 paragraphs into it and this story suffers from "funny name syndrome". I mean really what's wrong with names like "bob" and "bill" and "dave"? Must everyone/thing/place have a strange and difficult-to-pronounce name? I see this problem a lot.
[/rant][/quote]
Well, considering the setting, I don't think King Bob or Princess Kris would fit very well at all. It'd make it sound silly.

Proof that PHPBB uses LONGTEXT for the post field type...


Alrighty, I'm about 8 paragraphs into it and this story suffers from "funny name syndrome". I mean really what's wrong with names like "bob" and "bill" and "dave"? Must everyone/thing/place have a strange and difficult-to-pronounce name? I see this problem a lot.
[/rant]

I'm too tired to read the whole thing right now. There are a few sentances that have problems, but I'll point them out later. I don't want to explain them now.

[i]The following is what I've got so far of a story I've had lying around on my hard drive. Quite frankly, I have no frickin' clue where I'm going with it, but I gave it a read tonight and figured I should probably share it with you all. I'd appreciate any feedback, ideas, etc. - I think this would make an excellent role-playing game, personally, but I'd like to hear others' opinions.[/i]


I couldn’t bring myself to pay attention. Surely I wasn’t straying too far from the stereotypical spoiled princess at this point, but the fact that my father had wanted me to take the seat next to him this morning for audience was not a good decision on his part. I attempted to conceal a yawn as the King spoke.

“You claim to have purchased this loaf of bread from the Lower Caygne market this morning?â€